Hold all emails until further notice!

Please hold all emails until further notice. I'm in hospital. I was attacked by a woman in a lift. Luckily a witness got her photograph for the police - see below:

 

 

I was in the lift when she got in. I was casually staring at her tits when she said, "Would you please press 1."

So I did. I don't remember much after that.

I should be out of the hospital in a few days.

 

Painful sunburn

A man passed out drunk on the beach in Naples for four hours.

Received horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.

He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?'

The Doctor replied, 'It won't really do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'

London cab driver's answer to a request from a Muslim to turn off the radio

 

An Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.

The Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"

The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis either, so fuck off and wait for a camel."