Fred

 

This financial crisis is forcing governments and business at all levels to make some tough decisions. If things continue like this for much longer, there's a real risk that we may have to lay Fred off.

An Irish funeral

Paddy died. His will provided £40,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Colleen turned to her oldest and dearest friend.

"Ah well, Paddy would be pleased," she said.

"You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "So go on, how much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Colleen. "Forty thousand."

"Aw No!" Mary exclaimed, "I mean, it was very grand, but £40,000?!!!"

Colleen answered, "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £500 to church. The whisky, wine and snacks were another £500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Mary computed quickly. "For the love of God Colleen, £32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?"

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A true interview

 

You know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new programs. In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.

Lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”

The farmer stared at the reporter and said, “Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

Reporter (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that's a new piece of information but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”

Farmer: “Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”

Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”

Farmer: “I am getting to the point, Miss. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ..... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?”

THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED