Oh Craig!

A dedicated AWU union worker, Craig Thompson, was attending a convention in Sydney and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union run house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, Craig stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

Craig asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" Craig said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.

"I’d like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next cab of the rank!"

Oops!

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

"I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn auto correct. I meant 'wifi', not 'wife'."

Deer

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they beg their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes".

The little girl screams to her brother, "Don't eat it, it's an arsehole".