The family tree of Vincent van Gogh
(always pronounced as Van Go)

 

His dizzy aunt -------------------- Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes------------- Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------- U Gogh

His magician uncle.... Where-diddy Gogh.

His Mexican cousin............. A Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------ Gring Gogh.

The nephew who drove a stage coach --------Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle......... Can't Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt...... Tang Gogh.

The bird lover uncle........ Flamin Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking ---------- Way-to-Gogh.

The little bouncy nephew.... Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco..... Go Gogh.

And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh.

I saw you smiling . . .. there ya Gogh !!!

 

Effective Suicide Counselling

 

A desperate-looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a shag before you go?"

She screamed, "NO! Bugger off, you filthy old bastard!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."

She didn't jump...